Hallelujah – Alexandra Burke « Free Mp3 Code & Lyrics « VideokeMan

Hallelujah – Alexandra Burke « Free Mp3 Code & Lyrics « VideokeMan

Well I heard there was a secret chord
That David played, and it pleased the Lord
But you don’t really care for music, do ya?
Well it goes like this
The fourth, the fifth
The minor fall and the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Well Your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you
she tied you to her kitchen chair
And she broke your throne and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Well baby I’ve been here before
I’ve seen this room and I’ve walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew ya
I’ve seen your flag on the marble arch
Love is not a victory march
It’s a cold and it’s a broken Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Well maybe there’s a God above
But all I’ve ever learned from love
Was how to shoot somebody who’d outdrew ya
And it’s not a cry that you hear at night
It’s not somebody who’s seen the light
It’s a cold and it’s a broken Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah < <(held for a long time)
Hallelujah

-----Wow...you can't hear that everyday.

CDSC Batch 94

Our fellow batchmate, Raquel Grace Laruga San Miguel is an incumbent 'Kagawad' of Gen. T. De Leon, and, this coming October 25, she will run for Public Office once again to continue her service. If you're a resident of Gen. T. de Leon, please vote for her. If not, however you have friends and families around this area, please do remind them. She needs our vote.

(Yeah I know...ang barok ng engols ko)

From My Friendster Blog Part XII

Dated: Feburary 8, 2008

Note: Eng-Tag!

You Hate Them!

There are few stories that I’ve heard that end up in a good relationship. There’s my sister who’s luckily married to her first boyfriend for almost a decade. My colleague and her wife with 2 kids still happily married. My boyhood friend got a girl for several years and still excited about each other, my parents who’s still devoted to one another. All of them are happy and lucky and the rest, well, let’s just say, were all crap! Pain is pain and there’s nothing you can do about it. They say that time heals all wounds but who needs time when your heart was smashed into pieces, your head was spinning like roulette and you waking up in the morning with all the bottles of vodka beside your bed (wow!) and still the pain doesn’t leave you behind.

There are times you want to end it, or sometimes you want to end his own life(hahaha) but the fact is you can’t just wake up in the morning and thought it all as a dream or skip the tune on your CD to "I’m so hurt" to "Shout for Joy", it’s not like that. How I wish but it’s like that. Pain, heartache, heartbroken, broken-hearted, dumped, desolated, misery, hopeless, stood out, all of these has only one common, "this is not my luckiest day of my life". Oh don’t deny it, since when you finally think about yourselves? Since when did you get on time to that all-friend party of yours? or since when you bought your own new shirt or even a socks for heaven sake? since when you eat up your lunch and never thought about "where is he now?, is he okay". You know what these means? You’re dragging yourself to your own danger zone! All of us female are more submissive towards guys. One thing that you must put in your coconut head that there are no submissive guys, if there is, there are gays (hahah). Men consider themselves as the superior Homo sapiens and they intended to overrule everything, even pain, that’s why female are prone to heartache.

Sometimes we don’t want to fall in love anymore because we’re so scared for another shit that might happen. You keep on digging and digging until there’s nothing more to dig and and if you have, the last thing you’ll remember was giving up was the hardest thing to do. Another thing is we can’t accept the fact that we’re just another history after losing the battle in the name of love (ewww!), its pain in a butt. 

They say "Why do we have to suffer like that?" no one can tell the answers… All you can hear was "let him be, we love you, we’re here for you" or "He’s not the one" and lastly "God has a plan and that includes it", what a hell of excuse, blah blah blah, "I’m in pain can anyone see that". Every time that you increase another depth in your life there’s a different perspective you have to face, no more, no less. That’s life.

I used to bang my head on a cupboard when I was sixteen when my boyfriend left me with another girl, now all you can hear is "Pre inom tayo, lintek iniwan ako e". Now I’m 30 years old and I have my own way on dealing things. When I’m so upset, I buy my own drink and shove it into my freezer and when I start to whine I just open a bottle or two and viola!! Jump to bed and fall asleep and in the morning I laugh myself out, "Did I eat that?"

I used to think that getting pain or experiencing pain might give me more self confidence or just another "O tamo sa susunod alam mo na" thing, there’s no difference between what I used to think before and what I’m dealing it right now, it’s all the same, there are bunch of wise guys out there and were outnumbered. We’re losing it, 15-love. But we do know is how to express pain, we cry and cry until all of our friends drunk up all the booze! And knocked out, and still we cry. Boys can’t do that. Seriously, we can’t handle pain because we have to; we handle the pain because we wanted to. You know what will happen, you’re aware of that, you know what’s next but still you cling on to something that might not belong to you, it’s pathetic.

One time, my friend talked to me about her tall-good-looking-smart boyfriend who turns out to be an ego-centered man who left her for no reason, she said, "what went wrong?", how the hell should I know!, I mean she’s asking me what went wrong when she already know the answer. It’s like taking a hike with no map. We’re so obliged to the point that it is all feelings and it can’t fade away that easily, woooosh! It can fade away, trust me. Just step by step, you can lure another moron in your life and smack his head and we’re all quits!

People might say I’m a Man-hater, duh! I like men, who can’t live without men? I’m not a saint, especially I’m not gay. What is I don’t like about then was after you live with a man, the feelings, the hurt, all of these memorize that you have was overcome by that and in the end, you hated them. You hated every inch of their guts and asking question "Why do I ended up with this looser?" Hahha…And you want to break that bridge again, turn to be single and hop to a bar and find some good looking looser guys to fed up with your life and in the end you hated them all over again. 

1 Comment: 
slim February 12, 2008 at 4:37 am Edit 
correct ka dyan!!! at long last, nakahanap din ng time na mag comment… haaaay… After they used you they will dumped you, most people that you get involve specially your friends or I can say even your own bestfriend you trust them in your whole life and but then after they get what they want they will just dumped you no matter how long you spend time with each other and then will not just end to that they will still sucks you ’till you get empty… These people are those insecure and can’t find true happiness within their selves a parasites that keeps pestering and bugging your life and who always want to have the sympathy of other people even if this will break one’s wholeness…

Some of my favorite Quotes

ENGLISH MOVIES:

"Destiny is something we’ve invented because we can’t stand the fact that everything that happens is accidental" - Sleepless in Seattle
This quote is one of the most influential for me. I know its from a movie but it might be true… Tell me if I’m wrong but there’s no such thing as destiny… well maybe on the dictionary and to Danielle Steel wahehe.

"Let me give you a little inside information about God. God likes to watch. He’s a prankster. Think about it. He gives man instincts. He gives you this extraordinary gift, and then what does He do, I swear for His own amusement, his own private, cosmic gag reel, He sets the rules in opposition. It’s the goof of all time. Look but don’t touch. Touch, but don’t taste. Taste, don’t swallow. Ahaha. And while you’re jumpin’ from one foot to the next, what is he doing? He’s laughin’ His sick, fuckin’ ass off! He’s a tight-ass! He’s a SADIST! He’s an absentee landlord! Worship that? NEVER!" - The Devil’s Advocate
Okay…Okay, here I go again. I’m not flagging about my so-called Atheist belief but if you read one of my articles (way down) you’ll understand. Here it from George Carlin for you to understand… 

"God’s a kid with an ant farm, lady. He’s not planning anything" - Constantine
Somehow you have to put it that in mind.

"I’m going to make him an offer he can’t refuse." - The Godfather
Powerful isn’t it?

"Love means never having to say you’re sorry" - Love Story
Cute, but not that good.

"You got me at Hello" - Jerry Maguire
This is the point that you want to forgive that asshole.

"After all, tomorrow is another day!" Gone with the Wind
Great inspirational word aren’t they?

"You have the potential of a lifetime and you are squandering it" - To Wong Foo
This line is very effective, try it!

"The only rules that really matter are these: what a man can do and what a man can’t do." - Pirates of the Carribean
Yes, it does.

"I see dead people" - Sixth Sense
I always use this line, but I twisted a little bit "I see dumb people" hahaha

"Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer." - The Godfather II
I know I heard it in the first time somewhere, but the way Michael Corleone (Al Pacino) delivers it…wooooh powerful.

"Say ‘hello’ to my little friend!" - Scarface
Another Al Pacino line… I pick this line referring to my guitar.

"Yohoo! I make you famous" - Young Guns
Hahah, catchy!

"Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here! This is the War Room!"
-Dr. Strangelove
Use this line when someone’s arguing

"Yo! Adrian" - Rocky
Hahahah

"Listen to them. Children of the night. What music they make." - Dracula
I always use this when my gender-confused friend was around

"My precious." - Lord of the Rings
Don’t ask haha

TAGALOG MOVIES

SAGING LANG ANG MAY PUSO! - Apoy sa Dib dib ng Samar
This really tumbles me off hahaha

"Siguro nu’ng nagbuhos ng katalinuhan ang Diyos, nakapayong ka." - KAKABAKABA KA BA?
Be honest…lagi natin ginagamit yan

"Ginto na nga ang nasa harapan mo, basura pa ang pinulot mo!" - Sinasamba kita
Anampoocha…effective pa rin si Mayor Vi

"Sa puso nanggagaling ang pagpapatawad, wala akong puso, nagmana ako sayo." - Ikaw palang ang Minahal
Drama ng lola!

"You’re nothing but a second rate, trying hard, copy-cat"? - Bituin Walang Ningning
This one’s very cool indeed, kahit tulog kana nasa utak mo pa rin and this movie was the first one I saw when I was little, I think I was seven (do the math)

"Walang Himalaaaaaaaaaaa…" - Himala
Until now, gamit pa rin natin.

"Puwede ba’ng makausap ang asawa ko, na asawa mo, na asawa ng bayan?" - Nagalit Ang Buwan Sa Haba Ng Gabi
Ano say ni Nora dyan? hahaha

"My Brother is not a pig!" - Minsa’y Isang Gamu-Gamo
Hahahaha…it’s all I can say

"Kung san ako nakatayo, yun ang teritoryo ko" - Alyas Baby Tsina
I was wondering how they got into this?

"Wag mo ako sigawan, ginagalang ako dito" - Mistah
My husband’s famous lines hahaha

From My Friendster Blog Part XI

Date Posted: January 14, 2007

I can't believe I have my own a quote...

"Human beings are fragile, literally speaking. We have no conception about death itself or how it feels like, but one thing we do know--how it feels to be left behind." -- Me telling to a friend, 1998 When my mom died...

From My Friendster Blog Part X

Dated: December 8, 2006

Note: Don't worry, it's English so it's safe. I wrote this when I was depressed or something (I think) four years ago and I can't remember why.

"The path to self discovery is hard to find, eventhough you live almost half of your life still you don’t know where to begin. People suffered from pain and agony and familiarizing the defeat was way more comprehensive than it used to be. You may take it as unconceivable. The bitterness, grief, heartache and sadness are all around you and you can’t even leap to the bliss and satisfaction. If there’s a cure for loneliness maybe some of us don’t have to endure to any of its affliction. Some claims that their lives is an ultimate battle, a war and the struggle must come to an end to believe that we must win we must strive as long as we could but what if we can’t fight anymore? What if you want to let go the things that you’re fighting for? Is that a crime? All the things that surrounds you, is it worth fighting for? You don’t know what is right for you and right for them or vice versa. God created us for a reason, as they fortold that centuries ago, if you could only knew the true meaning of your purpose maybe there’s nothing to talk about. Why we have to find it own our own? Is that a part of a deal?"

Here's another one:

Dated: December 6, 2006

"It was a wonderfull morning, a sunny-brightfull day and its a pleasant time to stroll underneath the sunset. As I was preparing my everyday morning rituals before I go to work I stopped for a while and think about what I have now, being a mother and a wife. I know my life is like a full time job and sometimes it pisses me off from time to time because I can’t be what I am before and it will never will be. Everything is a blur and I can’t see my future. They said that I have everything that a normal human can possibly had but it didn’t occured to them that I’m so tired and depressed because of some annoying things that I can’t even remember when to start to count the reason to stress it out. I love my daughter, I love my husband, I love my family but why I feel this way. Did I missed something? Did I have to regret the things that happened? Am I happy? Am I contented? I can’t say yes to reciprocate any of this even the word no. I am 29 years old, enough year to make things least complicated but as they say everyday is a new adventure, ups and downs, even swaying around."


Told yah!

From My Friendster Blog Part VIII

Dated: November 22, 2006

Notes: English with a lot of bullshit!

Stress

A TV current affairs aired last night was a good thing especially the issue that they pertaining that most people have stress… ring any bells? 

I thought it was a simple sudden dissolution but I never knew it may result to illness. There’s some symptoms that knowing to be normal which I’m complaining for the past three years. The frequent headaches, Neck & back pain & muscles spasms which I thought were fatigues from overwork then the dizziness, lightheaded & nausea which whom I experienced when I was pregnant had come back. Difficulty of breathing, heartburn chest pain, palpitations & hasty panic which’s my speculation from coffee and smoking. Then the excess anxiety, worry, guilt, nervousness, increased anger, frustration, depression, frequent or wild mood swings.

The decreased appetite which really affected me and I loose weight without diet. Insomnia, difficulty concentrating, racing thoughts and feelings of loneliness or worthlessness was one factor that I succumbed these days. Little interest in appearance, punctuality occured sometimes. 

Increased frustration, irritability, edginess takened seriously when I’m at home and sometimes overreaction to petty annoyances. I’m an workaholic but it reduced work efficiency or productivity is my weakness this few months. I know it may sound so pathetic and Ironically stupid cause it pulls me down so easily and I can’t cope with everything. They told me that I need a rest but I can’t. I even want to use an anti-depressant medication eventhough it will end up as a dependant. I need help.   

From My Friendster Blog Part VII

Dated: October 9, 2006

Warning: Tag-shit!

Ano ang gamot sa depress na tao?

Depress Case File no.1: Financial Crisis

Most people usually go with this kinda stress, yung tipong lahat ng gastos e hawak mo. Every move you make equals to a lot of damage on your wallet (in case if you still have one). One thing that you must accept that no matter what you do, you have an "IOU" on everything, nobody wants to have a bills to pay, right? Gustuhin man natin sana lahat is for free but this is a cruel world with a lot of rules. No Pain No Gain. Let me tell you something, I used to have debts and without denying it reached up to my neck and it pisses me off. I have Php20,000 over my list and I go "gaga" on that plus may mga incoming pa. Nandun na yung naubusan na lahat. I lost my job, naputulan kami ng kuryente, my client turn down my projects, nagkasakit ang anak ko… in short, all of this e kailangan ng pera. I was so devastated that day. I learned that good things comes to those who wait (nakana!!) and I said to myself, "It will never happen again". I gave myself a limitations and bounderies that I will survive after 3 months. Konting sipag, paniniwala at tulungan I overcome one of the most gruelling days of my life.

Depress Case File no.2: Family Matters

Ahh, this one are common na. Eversince you’re in your mother’s womb e may giyera na sa pamilya. Broken family may link to this subject or even the simple sibling rivalry, but the one case scenario is holding you back to what you want maybe a big problem. Marami sa atin ang dinanas ang pagre-rebelde kahit sa konting kadahilanan lang sa iba but big deal na sa tin. I have a friend, she believed na tanging pagsama sa kanyang irog ang solutions sa kanyang problema and she was 17 when it all happened. My mom died 8 years ago and I got this frustrations kasi nagkawatak-watak kami. My father felt that he was loosing himself na. He’s always drunk, we always disagree on many things. I became despressed because I’m pretending that nothing happened even my mom passed away. I was so secure that we’re always be together and nothing will ever change. It took me years to accept that, after 2 years my brother had the same fate. Now everythings back to normal, my Tatay and I e magkasangang dikit na, we have this unpredictable reunion every weekend…. Saya!

Depress Case File no.3: Cat & Dogs

Hayyy married life nga naman. Being maried is no joke. How can you tell if you have a healthy and normal living? The answer, no one knows. If you feel that your contented then maybe you can tell that. If you are a battered wife, harrassed and starve to death then you better think of a way to get out of the mess, I mean you have to realize that being human is not a slave especially when you have kids. You need to stand on your own, independent. The mentality of a woman sometimes are sardonic, they can’t handle things on their own… in short, stupidity. Men are sometime arrogant, they believe that their ego surpass everything (I’m not saying that we’re all the same). 

Depress Case File no.4: Love Struck

Finding the perfect love is an adventure, a roller coaster, heaven and sometimes hell. The depressing part of this is having to know that what is the real meaning of your relationship. If you want to settle down but your partner is way over that, then that is depressing. If you want to get into more deeper side of him, but till denies it… it is also a depressing. First things first, if you met someone, you have to know what’s the real purpose, I mean if its forever.  

 

From My Friendster Blog Part VI

Dated: October 10, 2006

Warning: Full Tagalog na may halong jologs!

Manood ng sine, barat kasi!!

Anu ba magandang movie ngayon? The last time that I watch movie sa cinema ampowtah TROY pa ang palabas nun at 2004 pa yun. Hindi ko na nga alam kung magkano na bayad sa sine ngayon hahaha. San’ na ba ako sa panahon ng bagong teknolohiya e nsa kolelat ako? Last time na nagkita kami ng tropa nung highschool nilamon ako ng buo, ang mga celfone ng mga hindot mga hindi na nagpahuli… lahat de-camera, nung tinanong nila ako, "Niq anu number mo?" ang sagot ko…"sige tol chat down ko nalang sa papel"… bumulong yung bestfriend ko,"Sige, ilabas mo na…coloured naman e"…muset!! Hindi talaga ako mahilig sa mga ganyan, kung kaya pa ng analog e bakit hindi hahaha. My shirt last for 3 to four years kapag bibili ng brand new and the price is above Php200 hehehe bye-bye, even my pants, my 505 Levis e panahon pa nung elementary ako at last year lang namayapa. About naman sa shoes e ganun din, my boots usually will last on the 4th year since the day I bought the said item kaso pinagawa ko pa… ayun mukang bago ulit(barat talaga) and same goes to my rubber shoes. When we do gigs siyempre dapat medyo bago damit… Takbo ang lola mo sa ukay-ukay(bago ba yun). Kung sakali recycleble ang string ng gitara malamang ginawa ko rin yan e. Sa food naman, ay naku ganun din, 10pesos na Toknene or 3pcs na Shomai plus kalahating kalderong kanin… WAPAK! Maming gala at gotohan sa kanto e pwede na basta maayos ang pagkagawa. When I do grocery, kabisado ko na price ng mga yan at alam ko na rin kung kelan at san may discount kaso sa anak ko lang e inaabot na ng Php700 sa snacks lang nia that lasted for 3 to 4 days (2 days maliban na lang kung nakikidukwang yung mister ko) at 2500 per week lahat, dun lang ako sablay kpag dating sa pamilya…nawawala budget ko pano pagkain nila intindi ko hahaha. As for myself, sowss kapag nanay ka wala ka ng pakialam kung minsan muka ka ng engot sa kaka-ikot sa palengke kasi sa halagang piso e pinagdadamot ko pa(susmariakatilpo!). Hindi ako mahilig sa alahas, as you can see wala akong ring, necklace (well meron and its made of a cows horn hahaha) at earings… sa mga kolorete sa face nakowww lalo na, pulbos lang nalilimutan ko pa ilagay. Perfume…geeeesshhh! hindi ako mahilig dyan, nakikikulimbat lang ako sa cologne ng anak ko… in short po e napaka-barat ko para sa sarili ko.

From My Friendster Blog Part V

Dated: October 11, 2006

Warning: Tag-hiyawat!

Hallows Eve

Freaked out…HOOOLLAAA!!It’s October and Halloween na(anu kaya featured sa Magandang Gabi Bayan?) Well where did the word Halloween came from? It started sa word "All-hallow-even"(wikipedia.org) or some history may call them "Pooky Nights" or something at para sa tin Filipino e "wag kang manakot..anak ng teteng!" Then all shows sa TV ay related na sa mga spooky thing, tulad na lang ng pinapanood ko ngayon Brat Pitt’s Interview with Vampire na kung ganun lang ang look ng all vampire powtah ako ang hahabol sa kanila. The few early episodes of MGB (Magandang Gabi Bayan) tuwing sasapit ang month ng October were facinating talaga like the episode which they featured the Tugatog-Kalookan Cemetary(if you remember?)the statue which depicted St. Michael & the devil. If you can imagine na baligtad ang pagkakagawa coz si San Miguel ang nasa ilalim at si Santan ang nasa above(ewww!). How about the chilling Balete Drive? The road to Baguio? and the Corrigedor(tama ba spelling?)pustahan tayo maglalabasan nanaman yan. The movie that gave me goosebumps was Bruce Willis and H.J. Osment’s The 6th Sense, anak ng weteng na yan, kung makikita mo lang ako nung time na pinapanood ko yan sus tatawa ka. Nanakit katawan ko dyan. Ahhh eto papala The Blair Witch Project"HINDEEE!!!Nahilo ako sa camera!" issue yan before year 2000, Oh yeah the hell na napaniwala nila ang marami and ako rin na muret e ganun din. I saw it in the big screen, my sis told me na,"Ano tol, maganda?"…ang sagot ko…"Nasuka ako"…."Bakit nakakadiri ba?"……

Baduy! 

From My Friendster Blog Part IV

Dated: September 15, 2006

Warning: Tag-ay naku!

Sometimes You're not Alone

I remember last time that I saw an unusual thing was few months ago. The apartment that we live in was big… big enough for the three of us. Cozy, enough space for my kid na laging naglalaro, dagdag pa dun na pwede kami mag-band praktis dahil kasya kami lahat, doggie-lab Ginger can also hop!! ha ha ha. But when everythings seems to be quiet, all is resting na, I will butt-in na!.. That’s the only time that I can do my work… my freelance work. 10pm, my husband and my chikiting were still around… 12mn husband ko nalang but after that 1am I was all alone na. It doesn’t bother me kung mag-isa lang ako, I like that kasi I can focus on my work. My PC was placed under the stares, meaning, my little office was in a safer place ha ha ha. Then the stares was between the kitchen and the sala, so connected sila…walang harang.  It was 2am na, I was still awake… my left shoulder was aching and my lower back began to cramp. Exhausted. My ring finger at yung small finger ko sa right hand e medyo stiff na, so I decided to take a few minute break and pop a smoke while drinking the so-called energy drink of mine. I lean towards the window when I saw a figure that pass through the kitchen and heading to the Bathroom. I thought it was my "hipag" (cause they also sleep upstairs that night) so balewala sa kin. When natapos na ako sa routine smoking, e medyo "I must go to the bathroom" na ako, but it seems that my sis-in-law  has no plans of going out of that bathroom. So I decided to call her out, "Mean!, matagal ka pa ba?"… as in nyeee!!! walang sumagot, and the lights sa banyo was off. I keep thingking na "Anak ng teteng… sino yung dumaan?"

That night, hindi ako bothered cause the only thing that’s on my mind was my work and I have to finish it before 10am. And maybe sobra lang stress and wala pa akong enough sleep that’s why I had this hallucinations. I packed things up at 5am and have this slumber at 6am. Almost 3hrs of sleep and I head towards my clients office that morning. It never occured to me the figure that I saw that night. I remember on that same apartment that we used to live in e may nangyari na almost the same. I was there and maybe I’m the only witness. My husband and I used to be best friends(until now)before we get close as a married couple. One night we got so exhausted sa kwentuhan at tawanan I told him that I’m going to sleep at the sofa while he was waiting  for the other kumpare of ours. Hindi ko na talaga namalayan na talagang nakatulog na ako. I woke up at exactly 3am, It was dark, and my husband-to-be named Rommel was lying on the other side of the of the folding bed, facing his left side, and one guy sitting on front of Rommel, it looks like their talking. I can’t recall who’s the guy but I remember that he was waiting for Bobby, our kumpare. Nagtakala lang ako, Booby used to make asar kapag nakikita ako, but hindi niya ako pinansin that time. Maybe serious sila sa pinag uusapan nila. Then I go back to sleep.

I woke up at 9:30am, Rommel was already awake, I ask him, "anong oras umuwi si Bobby?" He was surpprised, "hindi naman pumunta si Bobby ah". The way he looked at me makes me feel that I’m making a story, "Ahhh baka I having a dream lang…" I never told him what I saw, dahil kahit ako e ayoko maniwala. On the next night, same thing happened but the difference is that I heard voices. I was half asleep, Rommel was practically having his dream. It was dark, I cover my eyes with a damp towel cause my eyes feel a little bit sore. I can still see through with the towel, then suddenly, I heard a voice, approaching on our bed. Two girls, talking to each otther. I was a little bit shocked and damn scared "Lintek! hindi na normal toh!" I heard the other girl said, "’wag mo na silang gisingin, tulog na sila"… as if naisip nila yun. Then they disappeard. I feel like I was pinned down to the bed. I want to wake up my luviduvs pero I think it will worsen the situation… Hey! sino bang hindi takot sa multo?!!

After few years, we got married and have a baby girl. My daughter Jy2 was 9 months old when she started to have this disturbance in our room, she was pointing on some corner of our bedroom, I wonder what it is because there’s no such thing in there… only drawers. Dati kasi she can sleep alone sa room namin, but after that insident e ayaw na nya, she keeps on pointing on that direction pa rin. Maybe she was just imagining something pa… I hope. After that event, hindi na kami masyado stay sa bedroom. Pinatutulog ko muna sa sala then kapag antok na talaga then lilipat kami ng kwarto.

The image that I mentioned earlier appeard almost every week. Lalo na kapag I’m working with my freelance job. The same thing over and over. Hangang sa nasanay ako. One time, my husband left earlier that evening dahil may tugtog sila, so I’m expecting na dawn na siya uuwi. I was working pa rin on my PC and my daughter was fast asleep at her crib. Too early pa, it was 9pm palang on that sunday night. But in that 2 consecutive days without a complete rest na trabaho e medyo napagod na ako. My eyes began to shut, my hands were numb and my shoulder ached. All the lights were open, even the TV, I fall asleep on my PC chair. Siguro 30 minutes past na… and somebody pull my hair…"ARAY!!"… I freaked out…"Pu+@!!!"… surely nagising ako and I was in rampage dahil sinong hindi magagalit sa ganon… But realized that nobody’s home except me and my daughter, I was still drowsed on that moment but I wont forget an image of a woman going towards my baby’s crib…."Ahhhh…ibang usapan na yan!!!" I rushed to my daughter while shouting, "Ala kang malaman gawin anoh?!". I was scared for my daughter kasi kahit na guni-guni lang yun(or I thought it was)that’s a big deal! From that moment on, I began to spill it out, sinabi ko na sa husband ko and also sa mga in-laws ko. My sis-in-law said that she saw it too but maybe baka hindi daw totoo. My kumpareng Fernan told me that kausapin ko daw… "WHAT!!! ARE YOU INSANE?!"… maybe daw it was a lost spirit wants to communicate… "Alright, she wants to communicate…anak ng!! nananakit na e!"

And one more thing, kapag nagpapakita siya sa kin, may negative vibes siyang dala… as in minamalas ako kapag lumilitaw siya. I was furiously mad!! Everytime na ginagawa niya lumitaw sa aking kitchen e binabale wala ko na…"O nandyan ka nanaman!!" After few days, hindi na siya nagpakita…inabot na ng weeks, until months. After 3 months, medyo subside na. We live normally. One night, I was at the kitchen holding plates and it was 11:30pm, when I turn around towards the table… biglang lumitaw ang loka!! muntik ko pang mabitawan yung hawak ko, akala mo movie!…."Bwiset!!!" Tumalikod ulit ako while saying, "Anu ba talaga kelangan mo?!" Hindi naman siguro masama if I prayed for her, and I did. But that was not the last time na maging ganun siya. She even appeared at the office at the back door, in the hallway, the window. I was thinking na pareho lang ang nakikita ko, but the image that I saw sa office was different… mas young, like 12 years old and another older lady 2x’s my age. I think, mag-ina sila. It’s like a blur image. Few lang kami sa office e, I was the only gfx artist here kaya mag isa lang ako. Ngayon marami na kami kaya medyo nawala na sila, or maybe hindi ko napapansin. Yung nsa apartment naman, I don’t know if she’s gone kasi we left that house na. Someone told me that I have a "third eye"… and kelangan ko daw i-enhance yun…IN YOUR DREAMS!! no way!! coincidence lang ang mga nangyari, If I had this gift e di sana nakausap ko na nanay at kuya ko. I believe we’re not alone, spirits maybe come and go, the crossover thing, the apparition, BABAE SA BALATE DRIVE (huh! san galing yun), white lady. Oh yes… this was the good part, WHITE LADY… nagkausohan yan, way back when I was in Highschool… mga miyembro day ng PINK FEDERATION yan, kpag nilapitan mo, especially kung boys nakow… pera yan ha ha ha. But my story e medyo serious. I was in highschool while my sister was a nursing stud. Graduating na siya so she usually go home late… (late na yung 10pm). Ang tatay ko strict, nagagalit kapag umuwi kami ng gabi… ‘coz 8pm e parang 12mn na sa kanya, so balik tayo… One night, 9:30pm, wala pa si kapatid. My father told me to make sundo… as in WOW! hanef I’m the youngest, HALER!!and I’m watching TV…namannnn!!! Nag-insist si Nanay na sunduin daw, so walang magawa si bunso kung di sumunod. Sumama nanay ko, we decided to walk, medyo malayo sa labasan. Sa subdivision kami nakatira, that time e hindi pa siya gano develop kaya yung road e espalto palang, the street light were dim kaya medyo madilim, but walang masamang nilalang na pagala-gala… safe pa nun kahit maglakad ka. Then siguro few meters away lang, I saw 2 images wearing white and I said, "Ayan na pala sila e!"… like I said, my sister was a graduating stud of nursing, so her uniform is all white. I said 2 images right? her boyfriend(who’s my bayaw right now)was also a nursing stud… logically, sila yung nakita ko na naglalakad. "Salubungin natin" sabi ng Nanay ko… Siyempre, naimbyerna ako, "Ay sus, ayan na… malapit na sila, hintayin na lang dito!"… Suddenly, I feel a little bit strange, hindi ko na inalis ang tingin ko sa dalawa, at ang bagal nilang maglakad, as if parang feel nila ang moonlight. From that distance, hindi pwedeng hindi nila kami makita, so if they really saw us… hindi sila magiging ganun, magmamadali yan… Lintek! andyan Nanay ko eh. It bothers me that they’re too slow and the image was not that really maliwanag, blur lang. Until, may parating na tricycle, the headlight pass through their body, there’s no shadows… It freaks me out na nung yung mismong tricycle e dinaanan yung way nila, meaning… if there’s any people around on that particular road e siguro naman makikita ng driver yun. Eto pa ang isa, when the trike pass through, nawala yung 2 images… It gives me goosebumps!! I want shout, but my mom was there, hindi ako kumibo. Baka himatayin at mayari pa ako. After that moment, I look at my mom and she said, "Nakita mo yun?"… I smiled at her nalang… "Nyee, mali tayo, hindi papala si Ate yun." If I was the only one na nakakita, hindi ako maniniwala, but my Nanay which is napaka-skeptical sa lahat ng bagay, witnessed that. Second time that I experienced the WHITE THING insident when I was active na in Music and I was 24. Surely, I always going home late… like 2-3am. But the night that I saw the "THING" was only an ordinary night for me, I was with my bestfriends house, nakatambay. We usually "gising-sa-gabi" thing, and we have a conversation, nakowww!! aabutin ng umaga, and I’ll always did. But that moment hindi ako natulog sa kanila, I decided to go home, "Nek! Baliw ka, alas-2:00 na!"… Hindi ko inintindi yun, and besides broken hearted ako kaya medyo "emote" ang lola mo ha ha ha. I headed home, walking. It was too quiet, nakakabingi. I only hear my slippers glide the pavement. Kinabahan ako…"Powtah!! bakit ba ako naglakad? may na-hold-up na pala dito!"… wish ko lang on that moment was to see anyone, kahit sino or kahit nag iinuman. I was relief… it answered my prayer. I saw a teenage boy(looks like…)sitting on the block of a closed store wearing a white shirt. But he was in a place  na it was too dark to make tambay… mukang malamok pa. When I’m getting near to him na, I think the distance was only 6ft from me to him. I stared at him, pero sa tingin ko shy. But when I look closer, the boy began to disappear, slowly, yung parang kinakain siya ng dilim. "Innnyaaakuuupoooo!!"… Like before, I intended that nothing happen, but my feet began to hop a bigger step, quicker than before. I closed my eyes, and I don’t want to open it na. I don’t want to look both sides of my shoulder e baka bumulaga yung muka niya. When I feel na malayo na ako sa pwesto where I witness the weirdest night of my life, tumakbo na ako. From that moment, kahit 6pm palang ng gabi, sumasakay na ako ng trike… Lintek na yan!!


1 Comment:
   -neng- September 17, 2006 at 2:44 am Edit

Ur kompareng fernan i thing he is right in my opinion. You talk and pray for them coz they need prayers to rest in peace… maybe something happened to them… then pagfriends na kayo hingi ka ng number ng lotto joke!!! i like to read your bulletin, it nice and catching…

From My Friendster Blog Part III

Dated: September 25, 2006

Warning: Tag-lish (yet again)

Love is Retarded II

"Love is like war: Easy to begin but hard to end". Can you really believe this? Love is like a bible, its too abstruse to understand the real thing. Like a religion, iba-iba ng paniniwala. Love is everything it’s cracked up to be. That’s why people are so cynical about it…It really is worth fighting for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don’t risk everything, you risk even more… Oh yeah right!! What if I told you that the word love for me is like a hand, a part of you that never disappear, a part of you which is a common and habitual. You can’t live without it… even if it is a platonic.

I have a friend which suffers from love struck. The real problem is, she doesn’t really know if that is love. She always telling me that she met a guy, a typical male so many times and same thing over and over again, except for last night. She narrated the story like a jubilant little kid. Always with a smile. Constantly admitted flying high. But then there’s this question that she ask about it, "Why everything seems to be complicated?"… That’s what you call love dude!! Others may say it is a sacrifice and I agree because when you fall in love you have to be more compasionate or comprehensive about other things. You love because you want to express it and nothing more not na kelangan may kapalit… naive yun. Everything here has a purpose, even if he never calls you on the phone unlike before na akala mo may attendance lagi, yung hindi niya pagtawag sayo e may reason din. Go with the flow, no one can tell who will be your soul mate, it just happen lang. If you believe in destiny then we’re both crazy hahaha. I do to believe that, even for the re-encarnation, it may sound pathetic but ang sarap lang isipin. Before, Love is a myth to me, It never exist, when I thought I have it all , it turned out to be a mistake again. The  bound of trust and immortality still nowhere to be found. Few more times that I almost gave up believing that I must knew the one and it occured to me, they’ re all the same, I become one again, without any equal. I’ve done most unconceivable way, and I must learn to let go and I did. To be in love doesn’t mean that you must take him or her forever just to be a partner to grow old with. Love is like a mission, I don’t know how but it can be like that. There are times that two people must fall apart because of the inconceivable reasons for them to be together eventhough they do love each other. Always assume that the most important thing that you have is the one you’re having right now because you can’t predict the future, you can’t anticipate your mañana and you can’t have your own tomorrow. Not that I’m saying that you can be liberal but maybe in some other ways but you have to go with the flow. Constantly nothing more to believe that you too can be contented.

From My Friendster Blog Part II

Love is Retarded

Dated: September 18, 2006

Warning: Tag-lish (huh?)

Someone told me a story the other day, about a boy-meets-girl, make sagot the guy then after few years… girl-leaves-boy! (famillar to ah). Love is a sacrifice daw…duh! at sinong ponio pilatong gagawa ng ganyan ngaun?! Well, everybody(sinagot ang tanong). There’s this and that!… Been there, done that!… "na-mi-miss ko na sya hu hu hu", e anak ng…iniwan ka na nga e, syempre may reason…dami; siguro nasasakal na sya, may nakitang meron higit sayo, ayaw ng magulang sayo, ang booring mong kasama dahil wala ka ng binukang bibig kung nde "bago cellfone q!… wanna try?", "may laro kami mamya dala ka twalya", o baka kala nya dati ang guwapo mo sa unang tingin sa bandang huli panget din, mabaho hininga mo… at ang huli "AYAW KO NA SAYO!!". In different cases, many reason. No one can predict when will the pain remain or "sumama na sa bagyo!", like me, I thought he was the one (scenario: 7yrs ago) he’s my whole world, my life, my companion, my love (sowsss!) but a year, nawala nalang, lumipad na ata kasama ng utak nya papuntang Dubai (ay ewan), kaw ba naman sabihan ka "Wala na ako nararamdaman…kc ang bigat mong kasama"…nyee as if nag-fit yung reason e noh, sana nga sinabi nalang na meron ng iba e matatangap mo pa kasi kapag ganun alam mong may kulang ka, at may nakakahigit sayo. Kung lalaki lang ako malamang nagsuntukan na kami nun e ha ha ha. Maybe it was never meant to be talaga, wag na ipilit ang ayaw kasi the more you put it that way, it gets worse (nakana…nagsalita).

Another case (nde akin); girl-meets-boy, boy-love-girl, then boy-pinagpalit sa ibang-girl, pathetic, naive. Hmmmm, in this kinda thing medyo common na, the girl thought that she’s super secure with his guy, they said that it is their nature to… you know, magkaroon ng sabit yung guy, huh! and they thought na napaka-macho na nila sa ganun state. Sample, I have a friend, lahat ata ng lugar sa CAMANAVA e tinantusan na (Oo Jepp kaw yun!), minsan nakakainis na kasama kasi paranoid lagi "Uy! alis na tayo dito baka may kakilala si Tanga, makita pa ako!" Or "Pre may regalo ako, nandyan sa kotse… busog ka dyan he he he" langya akala ko lechon, babae pala. The fact na ganito ang nature ng mga lalaki e meron naman good side, yun nga lang minsan kapag dumating na sa punto na wala sayo ang hinahanap nila e maghahanap pa rin (nyeee ganun din)labo. Well, meron pa naman natitira, and maybe sya nalang siguro ang taong ganun sa mundo (sowss mare swerte mo sa bf mo), mabait, masipag, mapagmahal, God-fearing at kung anu-ano pa (meron ka ba non), I’m talking about BZZZZZZZZZZ (aray! aray! kuryente!!), he’s one of my friends, actually kababata ko. Minsan nga naiisip ko baka tanga na lang tong taong to eh, kasi kahit ano ang gawin sa kanya ng gurl ay naku…pusta ako babatukan mo. But I salute this guy (hehehe yan pinuri kana). Sa situation like this, I may say, kapag ganito ginawa sa’yo, face the reality (parang ang dali e noh), mas masaklap nga yung mismo sa harapan mo mas pinili yung iba (nakupo, don’t ask coz nakakabwiset!), Head on, isipin na lang na mas maganda na yung ganun, kung may nakakahigit sa’yo na sometimes na "questionable" na mukang paliparan ng eroplano ang katawan e ala kang magagawa, its he’s dezizion! mark your mind "Hindi ako ang nawalan"(Yeheyy!! sabay-sabay!) Then move on, but wag muna maghanap ng ipapalit, I’m not saying na pangit tingnan but kawawa ang mabibiktima, sbihin mong hindi mo intentions ang mang gamit pero ganun na rin ang kalalabasan. Oki!

Another case; Boy-meets-girl, girl-love-boy, but boy found-out-a-secret, then boy-leaves-girl…or vice versa; This will be bullsh!#!, if you really love your special someone, you don’t have to dig-in for some of their past, well depende nalang kung mad killer yan dati, a secret sometimes has to remain a
secret, ‘wag mong ipilit kung ayaw, they will reveal it to you if the time comes, and if they really trust and love you enough pwedeng mapaaga ang pag-confess nya "shhhh…alam ko kung sino nag assassinate kay Ninoy" (yung mga ganong tipo ba). And in your part, nandun na yun kung ma-appreciate mo ang kanyang sinabi. Well in some cases (ehemplo, ehemplo) There’s this girl, she trully loves his guy, she said, "I have
a little bit of a secret, and I love you kaya ayokong may itinatago sa’yo"…(so here goes)… Isa siyang lokaret… kung tawagin ng jologs ay "Muret!", if you can imagine what kind of a girl this is… BINGO!, makulit, magulo, maingay, isang damakmak ang naging syota sa school, hindi na virgin (issue ba yun?)etc etc… but that was before when she met you at wala kapa sa buhay niya. But things change, nag iba na lahat… iba na lahat sa kanya. Nung nalaman mo na ganito siya noon, pero iba na ngayon, well thank God at tinangap mo… pero hindi bukal sa loob mo. They ended in marriage, but then suddenly nag-flash back sayo ang lahat… "Ba’t ito ang pinakasalan ko?"… e bakit nga ba?…kasi mahal mo, kaya chuva ang lahat ng negatives niya. You have to understand, nobody’s perfect, kahit ikaw siguro may bahong tinatago. Don’t complain!! think about the future, hindi yung kahapon. I read a magazine about a couple who’s been going steady for four years, they decided to tie a knot for the next six months, then suddenly the guy change his mind, he realized that his girlfriend e hindi na… you know… hindi siya ang naging una sa experience ng (hayyy) and he said "You’re not the ideal wife that I’m dreaming of, a mother of my kids!"…. WHAT!… Kapag ganito ka, then you are an ass#@ll!!. Think about it.

From My Friendster Blog Part I

This was dated September 26, 2006, titled "The Milenyo Storm"

Warning: It's tagalog at medyo tagilid pa ako sumulat no'n haha

I was at the jeep when I heard a mother talking to her colleague, "Walang pasok bukas, lahat ng students!"…  Maybe 5x ko narinig ang mga word na yun the whole day and I realized, "Ano ba meron bukas, piyesta opisyal ba?"… Lately I heard the news that it was typhoon Milenyo pala ang inside scoop. Medyo panic ang iba coz masyado daw malakas ang bagyo na ito. The next day morning, I decided not to go to work and spend time with my family and because the storm is coming e medyo sa bahay nalang muna ako. My client called and I have to work for a freelance job and exactly nasa bahay lang ako so it’s okay. But it was the worsed, eversince I turned on my pc siguro within 30 minutes e 2x na nawalan ng kuryente, so stop na ako. My husband and my baby decided to go to sleep nalang after breakfast kasi nga there’s nothing to do. The storm came on that afternoon. I was eager to go outside, wala kasi ako magawa e, so I put on my jacket and went outside para maki "uzi". Ayun nakatayo lang ako in the middle of the street, watching every tree and electrical wire dancing. Until a meralco post came down and the other street light smashed by the wind. The huge wall that gap between the factory and the street e gumagalaw na and I was standing underneath it. I heard the wind, the rain pined down to my face. Surely we’re lucky coz our house is full concrete pero pano kaya yung iba?

 

I remember this kind of storm way back 1995. I can’t recall the typhoon name but surely ang lakas din. My tropa and I was at school, enrolment nun ng dumating etong si bagyo. We’re stuck sa loob ng campus. Wind swirl, hard rain… naku sumigaw na nga kami "Tol magsisi ka na,katapusan na ng mundo." Wala ata dry sa katawan ko nun. Pero masaya, but the yesterday "Milenyo" maybe the worsed… e Powtah! Brownout pa rin e!

Two names responded to my post:
   PHIL October 4, 2006 at 9:36 am Edit

yeah.. i know love is like a roller coaster.. when you through with it… you wanna puke! nice story moniq.

   archaeL October 7, 2006 at 9:26 am Edit

nice blog!! ngiging fan mo n ata ako ha.. hehe.. keep it up!

OHAH!!Laki ng pagmumuka amfufu!!

Whoah!!!

I opened my friendster account and discovered I have tons of blogs there...funny shit!

The Last Sepir 1/?

My father was born when Ordoño II was crowned king. By the time my father died he was two hundred and fifty seven years old. Too old, right? Not for him. When life was taken from him, his face was as young as thirty five.

He said he was a Castilian...well, that’s what he said. But his cerulean eyes and dark golden hair tells another story. I don’t know if this was all true, for I believed he knows everything. He knows Ptolemy, he knew Cesar from the back of his mind, he knows the way of Romans, he knows the Christ as if he played with him when he was young... and as if he was there when the Messiah was crucified. I don’t know if my own father was pulling my leg or just telling a bed time story when I’m about to go to bed. But I don’t care, all I knew he was a magnificent man whom I love and remembered.

My father was too secretive. Maybe because he wants protect us, maybe because he wanted to live a normal life.

He knew he can’t, that’s why he lied. Not to us though, not to his own family... but to everybody.

Before he became a merchant, he was a soldier, a royal guard under six various monarchs in seven distinctive empires. He could fight even with his eyes closed, and his sword, Setelah, was his only trusted friend. He gave that to me by the way when I was seven, and even used it when I was fifteen. But as years and so thus the world progressed, I hid it somewhere. It became my only treasure. Swords these days were deflated; you see them only in the museum.

Let me tell you that later. Where was I? Oh yes, I was talking about my father.

He was merchant like I said and we often travelled city to city till we reached Babylonia where I learned so many things about trading. Babylonia was a beautiful place of about markets, temples, and gardens. Ah the gardens, especially the gardens. I also learned botany from that place, you know, though I don’t know what the hell botany means. I just pick a flower or herbs and announced its name. Heck, I even invented my own and my sister laughed at it. I think Babylon is where my boyhood embroils. How can I not? Did you see how beautiful the girls there? Oh believe me, if you’re there, you too will be overwhelmed.

We settled in Eshnunna, few miles away from the capital, neighboring with the Sumerians—which I got scared at first by their dark eyes and wavy hair, makes me...what’s that word...jumpy? Their woman were beautiful, but their men mostly bulky. Their priests too were little bit weird, maybe because I don’t understand their songs when they sang, but it in the end it was indeed pleasing to the ear. One time I let myself inside their temple. There was statue of gold, and they said it was their god. A seven year-old child like me could get confused at times when a parent taught their child what God really looks like. My father never said anything about gold. There something about wood though, but never about gold and I was confused as hell when I saw the deity inside the Babylonian temple. My father laughed when I asked him, “I thought God look like us?” And he said, “Yes, he is. But what you saw earlier inside the temple was only a memoir figure. Won’t you have a memory of your love one when they are not around?”

I told him yes and I understood what he meant.

We are not that traditional or religious family, my mother often tells. She said she lived long enough to see there’s no miracle, as in none! I don’t understand. However, my father had a different story. I mentioned earlier about Christ, right? Well my father often tells His lovely tale about the feast, His water turned wine, His fate by the hands of Romans, even about this man called Lazarus. “What about Lazarus?” I asked my mother one time and she told me “He’s a man who sleeps more than a day and one man finally woke him up.” Very odd descriptive, ne? My mother was full of humor, she makes me laugh, and my father just shook his head when she does that.

My father was wonderful story teller, I asked him again about this Jesus fellow. He said he knew everything about Jesus, not from the book, but visually, literally. “Jesus was a Hebrew who condemned by his own people, yet still he sacrificed himself to be impaled to save mankind.” He explained. “Sad story, wasn’t it? I wish I could save him.”

I curiously asked where was he when Jesus was caught, and my father absently said, “I was one of the guards.”

I told you my father was lousy liar when it comes to his age. His face had not reached the age of forty, but his memory was more than a century old. And when my age turned seven, he opened my eyes and teach me the things I will never ever forget throughout my entire life.

First he introduced me to the art of weaponry. Imagine that, me, merely a boy who only knows hide and seek, run and swam, now forced to grip a sword bigger than my body—who gave him that crazy idea anyway? I am only seven years old for crying out loud. Playing was the first agenda to every boy of my age!

But no, I am not like the others. As the son of the most mysterious man in the world, I have to turn around and face the reality. Since then I never did felt the kid inside me. My childhood days were different than of those around me. I started training with real swords rather than sticks the day after my seventh birthday.

Few days had passed, I was inflicted by humiliation. Naduane holds her doll made of rags while watching me and my father spar then laughed at me when I end up to the ground, holding my dear life not to be impaled by Setelah. “Stand up, boy!” My father shouted. “Your future opponent will not be merciless as me. We are not done yet, and yet you’re complaining already?”

“Maybe he likes to play dolls instead?” my brother, Haji, teased and then laughed. My father joined him too in a beat. I was furious. So furious I throw away the sword and run inside the house.

“Why are you doing this to me?” I said when my father followed me inside my room. I was crying—no, I was whimpering. I was so embarrassed that I almost cursed my father that day. “I hate you, you’re making fun of me.”

“No,” my father’s voice lingered. It was soothing that I almost stop weeping. He touched my shivering shoulder and pulled me close. “I’m not making fun of you, I’m making fun of me.”

What in god’s name was that? I wonder what that meant. I looked up and searched his eyes. “Why?”

“Because I saw myself in you when I was your age—that was when I commencement myself into training.”

My father did have a sweet tongue towards everything. His words were like magic.

“I am so sorry, Jameru.” He said, touching my face. “I never mean to hurt you.”

“I dishonor you, father.” I cried more. “I’m not worth to have Setelah.”

“Then you have to make yourself worth it. You have to be patient, child. Loss always comes with humiliation, but that doesn’t mean you had failed. Sometimes it was necessary, but there is always tomorrow. Ability is not a choice, Jameru. You have to earn it.”

Easy for him to say. I told you he had a sweet tongue.

But then again, my father outwitted me. I have to ride on. “Were you as clumsy as me when you’re just a boy, father?” I said, drying up my tears.

“Yes,” he smiled. “More clumsier than you can imagine and... much smaller than you.”

I smiled finally. “Really?”

“Well, your brothers too were smaller than you when they were seven.” He laughed.

“Did you teach them too?”

“Some of it.” He shrugged. “They have their own ability, you know. Unlike them, you’re different. Both you and Naduane are different.”

My curious gaze gave him something to contemplate. He looked away, somehow distracted and disturbed. I never saw my father’s face as gloomy as this one before.

“Let me tell you a story,” he started after he kept himself silent. “A story about a boy who disobeyed his father.”

“Like me?”

He laughed a little and hardly ignored my question. “Did you intend to disobey me?”

I shook my head.

“Then no, he’s not like you.” He smiled and lifts me up to his arms. We climbed to our veranda and stay there for a while. I nearly forgot what he’s telling me... how I wish I did, but my father has his own intention to enlighten me.

“The boy was about nine years old when those tall, dark men came to their home.” He said suddenly, his face was blank, full of pain. “They claimed they were... they were the enemy, and the boy’s father wants his son to hide somewhere... or run away, so that these... these monsters wouldn’t harm his son.

His father became furious at him when the boy wanted to stay behind to defend his family. But he was too small, too young and doesn’t know how to use such weapons. They boy’s father became desperate, he had to do something. And when those dark men started to attack, the boy’s father sacrificed himself.”

I look into my father’s eyes and noticed there were tears starts to build up. He was sad.

“What do you mean sacrificed, father? I don’t understand.”

His face was beyond description, contorted. I don’t know what I saw back there but it has something to do with his past that I sometimes begged him to tell me.

He lowered his eyes for me not to see the wetness in it. “These men,” he began. “These men want to destroy the likes of the father and the likes of his son. They’ve been hunted for so many years because of who they are. It’s not their fault to be born that way, but somehow others think they have flaws for them to have the right to live in this world. And because his only son was in danger than to him, the father let himself be killed... to save his son.”

That’s the time I saw my father cried for the very first time in my life. Probing started to build up inside my head. My father was not just narrating a story, he was telling me something more valuable than anything...

Survival.

“Jameru,” he whispered and embraced me tightly. “I want you to know, my son, that whatever happens to me, what fate come upon me, I want you to know that we love you more than anything in this world. Now listen to me. One day someone will come and claim my life, if that time comes I want you and Naduane to run away from this house, run as far as you could and don’t ever look back. I want you to live, Jameru. I want you to live a normal life without the pain of the past, without the image of death. Do you understand?”

Pain struck my heart and I began to cry again. My father was saying goodbye already.

“Are those stories of yours will happen again someday?” I asked him.

He didn’t answer, instead he said, “Promise me, Jameru, promise me you’re not going to disobey me just like I did to my father. Protect Naduane for me. Protect each other. The two of you are just like me and your mother. You’re one of a kind that’s why I want you to have Setelah for you to defend yourself. You have to promise me!”

The only thing I remember was a nod then a sob. And I think my father pushed me too hard for me to understand that one of those days, he will be gone forever.

And he did.


TBC                  
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