LET’S TALK ABOUT MEN: Who’s to blame, The Adam or the Eve or the other Eve Part II

If infidelity occurs, and this is the guy, then fuck yeah!

Few weeks ago I posted about Legal Wives or Legal Partners and few hints and advice how to cope with infidelity, etc. Not that I considered my work helpful but...well...

Anyway, today is another wonderful day to continue the topic. And this time, my dear fellow salamanders, we’re going to talk about MEN. Yep, men. M-E-N MEN. The King of Women's—sometimes men’s—hearts, the sixth creation of God, the who of all and the why of mankind. Yan sa topic natin ngayon.

Reality: Kung wala ang lalaki hindi siguro mauuso ang salitang infidelity, pangangaliwa, kabit, kulasisi, hiram, pang-Wednesday ka lang, extracurricular activity, pag-ibig sa likod ng puso ko, “spank-me-spank-me-daddy” or whatever you want to call it. Ang dami! But don’t worry, I am not labeling all the guys and I know hindi rin mabubuo ang mga salitang nabangit kung wala ang partner ni Adan na si Eba. Hindi gagawa ng kabalastugan ang isa kung walang motibo ang kabila. Sa nakakatakot at minsan hindi inaasahang sitwasyon, marahil karamihan sa atin ang tanging nasa isip (bukod sa sana magpa-jollibee naman ang hindot bukas) ay tukso tukso layuan mo ako, dahil kung hindi yari tayo pareho.

O kung hindi man, malamang may agimat na katulad ng iwas-balis.

Litrato ng asawa...

Litrato ng anak...

At kung talagang mabagsik ang kamandag, litrato ng biyenan.

But before we go deep into the issue let me remind you again the purpose of why I’m writing this is just to dissect why and why men cheats. Maraming rason, maraming pinaghugutan, pero ngayon ko lang nalaman na halos lahat pala ay iisa ang pinagmulan, at sa bandang huli si Eba pa rin pala ang dapat makialam (tangnang yan!).

Marami akong tinanong na kalalakihan about this, inalam ang dahilan, sinama ko nga rin ang asawa ko sa panel kahit na gusto n’ya akong batukan. Napakabalahura ko daw at pati s’ya ay dinamay ko sa kalokohan ko. Why naman, honeyjam, nagtatanong lang naman XD

Noong isang gabi ko ginawa ang pagtatanong at anak ng teteng akala ko may itatakbo ako sa ospital. Naging mainit ang debate last night habang may kaharap na alcohol na dapat pala sa umpisa pa lang ay kape na lang hinain ko. Ika nga, lumalabas ang tunay na saloobin kapag may konting kick ng alak. Wrong move. Sa umpisa maganda, I even have my own notebook in front of me na parang journalist sa isang show na naghahanap at nag i-investigate ng isang maselan at dangerous case. Ilan sa mga kumpare ko ang tinanong ko, pati pinsan ko dinamay ko. At habang nagpapalitan ng kuro-kuro natatawa na lang ako. Ay! Grabe pala tong mga ito pag nag-expose.

Habang may hawak ng tig-iisang bote, sinabakan ko agad ng tanong. Ang unang katanungan ko ay;

Bakit gusto ng lalaki magkaroon ng iba bukod sa asawa?

Tumahimik ang lahat. It’s an unexpected question. Akala ng mga ito biruan lang, pero noong nakita na nila ang notebook ko, nagtaasan na agad ang kilay nila. In fairness, sumagot naman and they answered me truthfully...o ‘di kaya lasing lang O.o But though I doubt it, I find some of their reasons valid and some are not.

As in not.

For example...

“Lalaki ako kaya natural yon,” sagot ng isa, si Jay. “Hindi na mawawala sa character ng lalaki yon.”

Okay that was one, though I want to say; “Takong ng sapatos ko, bro, natural din yon lalo na kapag dinukdok ko sa muka mo”—but I hold myself and forced to acknowledge his basis. I’m here to educate myself anyway.

Ang isa naman, si Noel, sabi hindi na daw kasi tulad ng dati ang misis n’ya. Wala na daw lambing. Para daw s’yang slave. Trabaho-bahay-kain-ayuda. Puta, minsan daw may singil pa! “Before we make love, may demands muna. Kapag wala, magkamay na lang daw ako. Tama ba yon?”

“Hindi kaya reason na lang yan para masabi n’yong tama ang nagawa n’yo, kung masisi man ay slight lang?” Kamot-ulo kong tinanong.

“No. Mahal namin asawa namin—ewan ko lang sa kanya,” sabay turo ni Noel kay Jay. “I love my wife kaya nga nagpapakapagod ako para mabigyan ko lang s’ya ng magandang buhay. But I think nothing will drive a married man into another woman faster than a nagging wife. She talks and yell like my mom. Kala mo bubuyog, o kaya parang kabayo—whine ng whine. Angal dito, angal d’on. Nakakairita.”

“Ah basta ako kapag palay na lumapit, susugpangin ko,” pahabol na banat ng isang hindot sa likod, si James.

“Do you always have to do that? I mean, do you have to brand yourself macho all the time? Do you feel manly kapag marami kang options? I don’t think your dick is your best weapon in the world, James. Bumusina ka nga muna.”

“Nandyan na eh, ano gagawin mo? Tirahin na!”

Alam kaya n’ya na babae kaharap n’ya? Napailing nalang ako sa isang ito. ‘Di ko malaman kung pilosopo, abnormal o talagang...ah ewan!

Before I could commit homicide, I asked them again another question. Why man cheats? Is it psychologically, emotionally...or just complete dickheads who wants to conquer us all? Studies said almost 40% of men seek sexual contentment and, in some point, while in their marriages. They crave for variety na parang ginawang ulam and desired to be with different women.

“Hey, not all guys are the same,” Noel said. “Pagmamahal hanap ko hindi tulo, hindi deathwish.”

“Madali lang yon, tanga,” Jay countered, feeling henyo ang ulol. “E di mag-condom ka.”

Napatunga ng beer si Noel sa sinabi na iyon ni Jay, at padabog na binaba ang bote sa coffee table. “Seryosong usapan sabay babanatan mo ng ganyan.”

“Sino bang may sabi hindi seryoso sinasabi ko,” pairap na banat ng henyo. “Ikaw lang naman ang engot eh.”

Napakunot ng noo si Noel, then... “Gago ka!”

It took Jay few seconds before the word sinks in. And when it did, Jay’s eyes grew saucers. “Ano sabi mo?!”

I could say something more appropriate like; “Jay has a point” but I think that’s not a good idea when someone is glaring at you that speaks volume. Yup, I shut my mouth instead.

“Hindi lahat ng bagay bayag ang sagot. At hindi kantutan ang pinag uusapan dito!” Galit na sinabi ni Noel kay Jay.

“Ahh...guys, may babae po dito—”

Biglang tumayo si Jay. “Bakla ka ba?”

Tumayo din si Noel. “Ba’t ‘di mo subukan.”

Namagitan ang esposo ko. “Wait lang, guys—honey, ilayo mo ang mga bote dali!”

Nagkatulakan pareho. “Nasisira kalalakihan ng dahil sa katulad mo!” Banat ng namumulang Jay. Akmang magkakasuntukan na.

Noel shouted, “Gago ka pala eh. Hindi naman sa lahat ng oras kalibugan paiiralin mo. Anong klaseng katwiran—nauso lang ang condom, mang-uulo ka na?”

“Abay bakla ka nga!”

“TEKA!”...that’s me screaming.

At nag-abot na po sila mga kaibigan. Of which naman naawat agad. But that scene can tell it all. Now I know my theories are true. That there are two kinds of male; one is conventional romanticist, and the other was nothing but a dickhead. Chat it down-chat it down. However the one thing that marked inside my head and pisses me off was when Jay said something about pang kama lang ang babae.

Nah, too soft. Remove dickhead. Write down asshole.

Few hours later, and coffee had been served, the ambiance of the fight finally subside. Though both of these guys were giving me a headache, I have to go on. This talk is getting interesting naman, but I have to make sure to remove the booze first before we continue. Baka may umuwing walang ulo dito—sa ibaba.

IT’S ALL ABOUT HUMPING...

That same night, Noel went outside the veranda to smoke while James and my husband watched some dvd’s at the other room. Jay and I was left alone and I took the opportunity to ask him without the danger of getting a smack to the head.

“Tell me,” I started. “Are there any reason aside sa mga sinabi mo kanina na magkakapag justify sa cases mo?”

“Sandamukal,” Jay answered. “For instance, she just doesn’t get me.”

“Excuse me?”

“The thrill, I mean.”

“Hindi ko ma-gets.”

Jay sighed. “Sex. Men want extreme things, especially sa sex. Nag-iinarte kumare mo. Ayaw n’ya ng adventure sa bed. What would I do, it usually do overcome me.”

“Well, how about shove some bottle up to your ass and then tell me how’s that feel in the morning?”

“Ano ka ba? It’s not like that!” He frowned. “It’s like...like sometimes when I want some intimate moments with your kumare, I ended up declined. At kapag pinagbigyan n’ya ako, sasabihin naman n’ya bilisan ko daw kasi aayusin n’ya pa yung laundry o di kaya didiligan n’ya pa yung halaman. Kantot-pato lang ayos na sa kanya. Gawin daw ba akong nuisance sa kanyang daily routine...” he sighed. “When it comes for her affection, pangangalaga, wala ako masabi sa kanya. But when it comes to bed...oh for the love of fuck, disaster.”

“And that was your ground kaya ka nagloko? Wasn’t that little bit...juvenile-ish?”

“Aren’t you even listening to every word I said?” He snapped. “This is serious. For us guys, we want something more. Maintaining marriage is hard pagdating sa bed. Ano akala n’yo sa amin? Bata? Ma-pacified lang yung needs, okay na? Tama si Noel, lambingan n’yo naman! Show us something to look forward to. Surprise us. Make us crazy, make us insane. Kahit ano, basta nakakagulat.”

“Like underwear made out of spider web—just joking,” I said after narrowing his eyes at me. “Does this mean sex is a really big deal sa inyo?”

“Hell yeah.”

“Then why do you have to do it with someone else kung pwede naman pag-usupan?”

“Sabi ko nga surprise us, di ba?”

“Lame excuse.”

“For us guys, having sex out of marriage is not a big deal...kung may kahalo ng love ibang usapan na yon, may problema sa side ng lalaki yon. Ang pagkakaiba namin sa inyong mga babae was men usually can have sex without love. Pagnalabas na ang libog, tapos na. Sex and love for us is entirely two different things. Automatically separated na yun sa utak namin bago pa may maghubo sa harapan namin. Inside of marriage, we want love. Outside, it’s all about fucking.”

“Have you ever thought of getting caught?”

“Anong klaseng tanong yan? Syempre meron! Ayokong mawala pamilya ko no.”

“So we go back to square one—why do you have to cheat if you can do better?”

He looks at me na parang naubusan ng reason at gusto ng tumakbo. And then he shrugged and said, “Instinct.”

Alangya dami-dami mong sinabi dun din pala bagsak. Bwiset!

“So, are you saying all men are inborn?”

“Perhaps.”

“And that doesn’t bother you? Hindi ba dapat binabago yon?”

“Why would I? Kung kayo nga inborn na mag-shopping sa walang katuturang bagay eh.”

“That’s different! Indulgence namin ‘yon.”

“And same goes to us.”

“This is going nowhere...”

“You started it.” He laughed. “Ask your husband, he might enlighten you.”

Abay gagong ‘to, dinamay pa asawa ko.

Few minutes later, Noel came and sat beside us. I turned my attention to him sa inaakalang mas may sense pang kausapin ang isang ito. But before I open my mouth to ask him a question, tinaasan na n’ya ako ng isang kilay agad, sabay sabing... “Susmaryosep! Hindi pa ba tapos yan?”

“Eh gago tong isang to sumagot eh,” sabay turo ko kay Jay. “Dali na.”

Noel shook his head in return. And then murmured, “Nagpapaniwala ka kasi sa abnormal. Alright, fine. Ask away.”

I move my chair forward. “Meron pa bang ibang dahilan para magloko ang lalaki?”

He looked back at me and then side his glance at Jay...of which giggling at that time. Noel smiled and said, “The easiest answer to that is ahhh...because we can?”

Ay mas gago to. “Kinginang sagot yan.”

“Eh totoo naman eh,” sangayon ni Jay. “Tell me one girl na nag-dare gumawa ng ganyan maliban sa abnormal. Wala di ba?”

Ngayon ko lang nalaman nakaka gago pala ang kape kaysa sa alak. “Mga punyeta kayo!”

Findings:

I left them laughing that night, including ang mahal kong asawa na nakikitawa sa kabilang kwarto. Siguro naiisip n’ya na baka kaya ko ginagawa ito para mag-back check sa kanya. Hmp. Naalala ko yun ah. Mamya ka bwiset ka.

Anyway, morning came and still slaving myself in front of my laptop...at hindi pa rin natapos. It took me an hour to think and a day or two to write this down. Why men cheats. Why men cheats. Paulit-ulit na tanong ko sa isip. Kahit nga sa canteen kinabukasan yan ang nasagot ko noong tinanong ako kung ano order ko—baliw amfufu.

Siguro sa ganitong aspect ancient na ang kaisipan ito. Magmula pa sa ninuno, orthodox na ang ganitong kasabihan, na ang lalaki ay talagang mapaglaro. Classic. Very basic. Pero kung ganoon nga, bakit tayo umaangal? Bakit pa tayo nasasaktan kung alam na natin sa simula’t simula pa ay dadanas ang kababaihan sa puntong s’ya ay pagpipilian o di kaya pasadahan ng literal.

Ang kasagutan lang siguro kasi it was unfair. It was unfair to women that only men can have good time. There were rules and, though it is sucks, it must be obeyed. Pangit sa babae ang may ibang lalaki, pangit sa babae na may kabit, pangit sa babae ang nagpapasawsaw despite para sa kasayahan lang, pangit dahil kasi ang baho pakingan, pangit marahil kapag tinuloy mo ay talagang sablay, pangit siguro kasi hindi bagay...

Pangit, pangit, pangit, leche!

Pero pagdating sa lalaki, kapag marami s’yang babae, ang macho n’ya tignan, ang gwapo, ang astig, mga tinamaan ng magaling—ay hindot!

But really now. Seriously. Women can’t win against the other species because we, girls, are complex creatures, and we, ourselves, are prone to friendship and love than getting laid (oh really?)—and men? Men are prone to reason than romance, I think. Si Romeo na lang ata ang vain, tapos fiction pa.

FALL OUT OF LOVE...

I watched some reality bangayan show yesterday and it was irritating, yet laughable at the same time.

“Hindi ko na makita sarili ko kasama ko s’ya habang buhay...” bangit ng lalaki sa host ko tungkol sa kanyang asawa. Naturally the host will ask him why. And he said, “I don’t love her anymore.”

“Is there a reason why you said so?” said the host.

“There is...”

“And that is...”

“I found someone else.”

BINGO!

When you hear the word love, what comes inside your mind? Sacrifice, right? Love moves in a mysterious ways, indeed, but when it comes to marriage, love must be specific. It’s not a game stupid people play. Love is, love was, and love is truly meant to be.

No shit.

What happened to this man’s sacred oath is beyond our comprehension. I wonder if I was the wife, maybe I slit this guy’s throat.

The guy was married for ten years; they have three kids, two girls and a boy. And from his description his wife was the most wonderful woman he ever met. Kind, loving, beautiful. But despite of it, and even the host couldn’t guess what the hell went wrong, the husband said sila ang tipong kakaingitan ng iba; beautiful couple with three beautiful and smart kids. May marangal na buhay, magalang na pamantayan at ginagalang ng marami. However there are hundred reasons what went wrong. Maybe the guy had gone sour. Maybe the girl had gone bitter. Or maybe their past has not connected to their future. But whatever reason was, it’s all lame excuses. Blame on everybody. And I think the answer to this dilemma was maybe someone else got into the picture long before the guy intend to fuck things up. The married guy had finally released his beastly instinct and took on somebody else.

Napatunayan na talagang ang isang kadahilanan ng pagkakaroon ng ibang karelasyon ay ang pagkawala ng pagmamahal sa asawa. Hindi man sinasadya, ang isa sa kanila ay nakakahanap o nakakatagpo ng iba. And usually the one who push the pawn first was the guy. Gayon man, para sa akin, ang pag-ibig ay hindi parang bula, o parang pigsa, pagpumutok, kusang nawawala. Balibaligtarin mo man ang mundo, sa asawa mo pa rin ang uwi mo. Either you have to or want to, nothing will change...unless she’s dead, and that will be the time your scot free.

Ang pag-ibig din ay hindi rin base sa first sight. Kalokohan ‘yon. Hindi maaring biglaan, o gulatan, o pustahan, at hindi rin dapat napipilitan. Sa kaso ng lalaking nakasalang sa hotseat sa harap ng camera, s’ya ay biktima ng sinasabing akala. Like for instance; akala n’ya hindi na n’ya mahal ang asawa n’ya. Akala n’ya ang bagong kinakasama ang bubuhay sa malamyang sistema. Akala. Akala. Akala. Mali pala.

At dito na pumapasok si infatuation...

Ang pagkakaroon ng—masakit man bangitin—kabit ay nagmumula sa infatuation, or in other words, atraksyon sa iba. Ang salitang infatuation ibig sabihin ay admire, fascination, crush, adore...nabaliw, nalibugan, at kung ano-ano pang sasaklaw na lumalason sa isip ng isang tao na nag-aakala na s’ya ay pinana ni Cupido ngunit yun pala ay nahampas ng maso. Marahil ito ang nakasira sa pagsasama ng mag-asawa, for the reason na mayroon kasi kakaiba sa bagong nakilala kaysa sa unang nakasama...

Ano yan, may expiration date?

Putarages! Ano akala mo sa asawa mo, damit?

Oo, naramdaman mo nga ang pagmamahal ng ibang babae dahil s’ya ay maasikaso, dahil naiintindihan ka n’ya, dahil naiintindihan n’ya ang sitwasyon n’yo, dahil naghihintay s’ya sa pagbabalik mo, dahil walang away na namumuo sa pagitan n’yo, dahil nabibigay n’ya lahat ng atensyon na gusto mo, ngunit sumagi ba sa isip mo na panghabangbuhay ito? Hindi ba nagsimula rin kayo mag-asawa sa ganito? Abay kung ganito lang ang usapan, bakit inalok mo ng kasal ang nobya mo at sumumpang mamahalin hanggang magunaw ang mundo. Binuntis mo pa, hayop ka! Tapos lalayasan mo rin pala! Anong klaseng lalaki ka?

Hmp. Dapat siguro nauso rin ang tapoo sa tao.

O di kaya ipapanood ng Fatal Attraction tong mga ‘to.

Findings:

Aminin na natin na ang lalaki ay madaling matukso, laging hanap ay atensyon. Kung tayong mga babae ay mahal natin ang ating asawa, bakit pa hahayaan magpapansin sa iba. Sa kaso ulit ng lalaking kupaw sa telebisyon, ang kanyang butihing asawa ay naging pabaya din pala. Masyado naka-focus ang atensyon sa anak at ang tunay na panganay, ang padre de pamilya, ay naisang-tabi na. Alam ko at alam din ng ibang kababaihan na kung ano ang nagustuhan sa atin ng ating asawa before or after the wedding day ay hindi dapat magbago. Ang lalaki kasi madaling makalimot, mahilis mo lang pansin mo, nagtatampo na, sermonan mo, naghihimotok na, tangihan mo, yari ka. Why can we have the formula of give and take, yes? Pakalawan mo paminsan-minsan. Hayaan mo sa barkada. Mas maganda nga barkadahin mo barkada n’ya. Be his friend, be his beer-friend. Love is sacrifice, di ba?

Part III