I was at the Airport last night, my sister, whom na umalis mula Manila to Saipan (where the hell is that?! ha ha ha). She will takingup an exam for Nursing to work in the US. I wish her luck para ma-fulfill nya yung kanyang dream. She will be there for seven days
only. Before na muna siya umalis, nadun kami sa parking lot, well I'm not into "sundo-hatid" in the airport kaya I don't know anything
about it, my last punta there was in 1998, when my ex-bf go to Jeda to work. Well balik tayo, when we're waiting for her flight. As I said
we were at the parking lot, all I have in mind was "Yosi...Yosi...Yosi!", I reached for my pocket and I found out that there's nothing left, even
a broken stick of yosi. I got so depressed, "Bakit hindi ba ako nagdala ng extra...anu gagawin ko sa lighter ko?". But first thing in mind, before
I make a sudden move to look for a yosi, tumingin ako sa paligid, "Baka bawal". I've been in a part of some city na as in "No SMOKING"... I mean
"The Hell!", pero may vendor sa tabi-tabi. Like in Makati, pagbaba mo palang sa station ng LRT-Gil Puyat, bubungad na agad "No SMOKING",
in Quezon City, there's a part na meron din, lalo na if you're riding on a jeep and in some Manila area, pero sa gabi... hala sige parang mga
pugon lalo na sa Baywalk at Malate. Sa Makati, meron vendor pero tinitinda nila Blue Seal na tingi ha ha ha. It was hard to have a habbit of
smoking, kagaya nga ng sinabi ko na nung nasa NAIA kami last night, I saw a little store inside the parking lot and I thought it was a relief, but
when I got inside and saw the price of a 1pack of Winston Lights...." ANO!! 45 PESOS!!", lintek 19 pesos lang to sa palengke and 27 sa 7/11...bwiset!
I changed my mind na wag na muna mag yosi. I was so depressed, "pag uwi na lang or sa biyahe".
My Ate/Sister gave a final farewell to us, hindi kami gano sa "embraced" pero nagawa ko, langya 1 week lang akala mo mawawala ng matagal.
My father asked me kung kelan naman ang interview ko sa Dubai, I said, "next week pa", I was surprised, ayaw niya kami payagan na aalis ng
pinas, I dunno if his a patriotic or talagang ayaw niya. Ngayon, halos pagtulakan na kami ha ha ha. I really want to go to abroad, kung hindi ako
nag asawa malamang ngayon palang ako uuwi galing ibang bansa, at ngayon palang maghahanap ng asawa at lalagay sa gulo... este tahimik pala.
My father said, "bago ka umalis, hinto mo yang paninigarilyo mo".... What?! Yosi nanaman?!... "Ayyy naku Tay! kung alam nyo lang, gustong-gusto
ko na!"
I don't know what's got into me, bigla ko na naisipan yan kasi matagal ko na binura sa isip yang abroad na yan. I said to myself before na dito nalang
ako at kaya ko naman magtrabaho na hindi ko na kailangan umalis pa... eto hindi na Patriotic to.... Stupidity na to. Well, I humbly say na okay nman
ang kinikita ko, but everytime na nangyayari yun e parang may hatak pababa, dadaan lang ang pera sa kamay... mangiinis lang. I admit, mas malakas
ang kita sa freelance than sa dayjob, pero hirap pa rin makaahon. I'm holding a 5k on my pocket the other time, wala pang a week, nawawala na, or
Hmmmm saan ba nadala yun?.... Ahhh napunta lahat sa bayarin, bills, rent, food etc. etc. lalong lalo na dyan sa electric bills na yan!! I'm not a materialistic
person, mahilig lang ako maglabas or bumili ng kahit ano basta ikasasaya ng pamilya, pero sa sarili, hindi na... sowssss. Eto nga lang kahapon,
lumabas lang ako sandali, nawala na 3h, langya! bumili lang ako ng tsinelas. Ang mahal talaga ng bilihin, kaya minsan naisip ko kung lumipad na rin ako e.
When I was in a garment/sports company last month ago, ay naku! ang laki ng hirap ko sa transpo and food. Hindi ko malaman kung san ako dadampot ng
allowance just to provide lang pumasok. One of the HR said that our salary is fixed and dapat kasya na daw yun... I mean... Hello!! Talento po ang pinag uusapan
hindi ordinary job lang! "We have to budget everything" she said...oh yeah, kung yung presidente natin maloka-loka sa kaka-budget e... tayo pa kaya. I'm not earning
a 20k a month, nor to eat in a fast food lane at kakain sa Red Ribbon kapag breaktime ng 3pm noh! Eh magmula sa pagbili ng simpleng posporo at garapon ng kape
dinadanas ko hangang sa pgabayad ng rent monthly dinadaanan ko... Tapos sasabihin mo, "Budget lang!". Hindi ko malaman kung engot or talagang bulag e.
Iba kasi ang panahon dati, so atleast naranasan ko maghirap, walang makain. Mabuti pa nga ang iba okay lang, may pamilya pero nakapisan naman sa parents.
Walang iniintindi kundi kumain... natatawa nalang ako dahil may pinag aawayan pa mag asawa... anu kaya yun? Kaya ang remedy ko nalanfg talaga is lumayas na
sa pinas. There's nothing na rin siguro dito. Ayoko ng maging makata, abay lintek nagugutom pamilya ko e. If I had to get through everything, makaalis lang. Like for
sample, my boss... pure breed Chinese, dito na sila nagbinata... kumalat na lahi nila. But eventhough some of them are tough to work with,
nakakamangha rin. Consider this as a compliment to them. My friend also a chinese, manager ng isang printing press, magaling sila. Maybe
nature nalang nila talaga maging masipag, and sometimes, nature din nila pagiging kuripot ha ha ha. Dayuhan sila, but definitely buo ang loob.
So why cant we be like them?(not the part na sometimes hindi sila fair) Well, few may lucky pero dumaan sa isang damakmak na hirap.
If I ever have this chance to prove to myself na kaya ko maging maunlad, gagawin ko. Time is running out, isa na ako sa nahuli. Sometimes...
or everytime... I ask myself the big "Why?"... may hadlang ba? may dahilan ba? may maiiwan ba? meron ka bang hindi maiwan?... ANOH?!
Answers to those questions is "YES!"... I have a daughter, 3 years old, I'm a mother... It is not nature to a mother na iwan ang kanyang supling.
I want to guide her, gusto ko kpag dumaing sya e I'm the one she's going to call, gusto ko makita lahat ng "1st" niya. Nandito nga lang ako sa
office right this moment, but my mind e nasa bahay. Pano pa kaya kung malayo ako... Its a mental torture to a working mom like me. Parang wala
akong tiwala sa iba... ewan ko? I have so many reasons why I'm still here than "why I have to leave"... Ang gulo ko noh? Lintek na pera kasi yan e,
yan lang ang dahilan.
